Don’t look back in anger, I heard you say…
I couldn’t let the summer pass without a reference to Oasis, but is “don’t look back in anger” realistic advice when it comes to a separation? Here are my tips for navigating the separation process.
- It is perfectly natural to experience a plethora of emotions when going through a separation. Do not feel guilt or shame about that but ensure that you seek support from friends and family, and where necessary, professionals such as counsellors or therapists.
- Try to keep any conversations with your ex-partner professional and factual. There is usually little to gain from attempting to “point score”, and often just leads to “tit for tat” communications. Where lawyers are involved, this will also increase costs.
- Where there are children involved, ask yourself how you would like them to remember and describe the separation in future. Keep children out of “adult” conversations and ensure that their best interests are prioritised. There is helpful guidance on the Resolution website about how to support children whilst going through a separation, which has guidance on, for example, how and what to tell children about the separation. Try to remember that your role as co-parents will not end upon your child becoming an adult, and you will all benefit if you are able to be in the same room for graduations, weddings, grandchildren’s birthdays etc.
- Take legal advice early on. Ensure that you know how to protect yourself, your children and your finances both now and in the future. Consider the different options for discussing children and financial matters (e.g mediation, discussions via or with the support of solicitors) so that you can make an informed decision about what is best for you and your family.
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